I once believed being likeable was my superpower.
Sitting in the corner office of a multi-billion euro asset management firm, I smiled and nodded my way through meetings where my expertise was overlooked. I accepted impossible deadlines without protest. I volunteered for every committee that no one else wanted to join.
“She’s so nice,” they’d say. “Always willing to help.”
What they didn’t see was the 11 PM emails I sent after my children were asleep. The anxiety attacks that occurred in airport bathrooms. The gnawing sense that, despite my technical brilliance, I was invisible where it mattered most.
This wasn’t just my personality—it was my prison. And it might be yours too.

The Invisible Career Saboteur No One Talks About

When I work with female executives through the POWER SHIFT SYSTEM, they often arrive with impeccable CVs and impressive titles—yet something is holding them back from the next level of leadership.
That something? The professional aftershocks of people-pleasing patterns.
In boardrooms and Zoom calls across Luxembourg’s financial district, I’ve watched brilliant women:
  • Apologise before sharing groundbreaking ideas
  • Take on colleagues’ responsibilities while neglecting their own priorities
  • Shrink their expertise to avoid “showing up” male counterparts
  • Accept compensation far below their market value
And the most heartbreaking pattern? Watching them blame themselves for not being “good enough” when the real problem is they’ve been too good at pleasing everyone but themselves.

The Neuroscience of Nice: Why Your Brain Is Betraying Your Career

Your tendency to prioritise others’ comfort over your own advancement isn’t just a bad habit—it’s rewired your neural pathways.
Each time you sacrifice your boundaries for approval, your brain releases a small hit of dopamine, the same neurotransmitter activated by addictive substances. You’ve literally become addicted to people-pleasing.
But there’s a devastating professional cost:

Decision Fatigue: The Silent Career Killer

In asset management, I made multi-million euro investment decisions with confidence. Yet I agonised over whether to speak up in meetings for fear of seeming “pushy.”
This cognitive dissonance creates what neuroscientists call decision fatigue—the deterioration of decision quality after making multiple choices.
When you’re constantly calculating the social risk of authentic self-expression, you’re depleting the same cognitive resources needed for strategic leadership decisions.

The Credibility Paradox

“I didn’t want to seem difficult,” shared Catherine, a senior finance executive and POWER SHIFT client.
Like many women navigating high-conflict personal relationships, Catherine had perfected the art of peacekeeping. This same skill that preserved her sanity at home was destroying her credibility at work.
Research from Stanford University confirms that women who display “communal” behaviours (being nice, helpful, modest) are often seen as less competent in leadership roles, regardless of their actual performance.
The brutal paradox? The very behaviours you think are protecting your professional relationships are actually undermining them.

From Career Caretaker to Strategic Leader

When I shared my own people-pleasing recovery journey on RTL Luxembourg’s Small Business podcast, the response was overwhelming. Professional women across the financial sector reached out with variations of the same message:
“I thought I was the only one sabotaging myself this way.”
You’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not broken.
Your people-pleasing patterns likely developed as sophisticated survival strategies—perhaps in childhood, perhaps in high-conflict relationships, perhaps in male-dominated industries where “fitting in” felt necessary for survival.
But what once protected you is now preventing your next-level success.

The Professional Price of Being “Too Nice”

My client Elise, a brilliant operations director, discovered she was earning 32% less than her male colleagues with less experience. When I asked if she’d ever negotiated her salary, her response was telling:
“I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.”
Another client, Maryam, realised she’d been passed over for promotion three times despite outperforming her colleagues. The feedback? She “didn’t seem hungry enough for leadership.”
Translation: Her people-pleasing behaviours were being read as a lack of ambition.
These aren’t isolated cases. The research confirms what we’re seeing in practice:
  • Stanford Business School found that women who negotiate assertively face 5.5 times more backlash than men, leading many women to avoid negotiation entirely
  • Deloitte’s research shows 72% of professionals who express their authentic selves report higher job satisfaction and engagement
  • Harvard Business Review reports that women who set clear boundaries at work are 24% more likely to receive promotions

The POWER SHIFT: Replacing People-Pleasing with Strategic Authenticity

“I’ve spent decades cultivating my professional expertise,” said Johanna, a financial controller. “But I’ve invested almost nothing in learning how to advocate for myself.”
This insight sparked her transformation—and it might spark yours too.
The same strategic thinking you apply to business problems can and should be applied to overcoming people-pleasing.
Here’s where my clients start:
  1. The Authenticity Audit Document every time you say “yes” when you mean “no” for one week. Look for patterns. Which relationships or situations trigger your people-pleasing? Which values are you compromising?
  2. The Discomfort Advantage: Begin with low-risk boundary setting. Express a contrary opinion in a meeting. Decline a non-essential request. Notice how the anticipated catastrophe doesn’t materialise.
  3. Strategic Self-Advocacy: Identify one professional goal that’s been sidelined by your people-pleasing. Create a specific plan to advocate for this goal, applying the same strategic thinking you’d use for a business initiative.

The Transformation: From Nice to Necessary

“I used to be known as ‘helpful Jane,'” my client shared six months into her POWER SHIFT journey. “Now I’m known as ‘the one you need in the room when decisions are being made.’”
This evolution—from being seen as nice to being seen as necessary—represents the core of professional transformation.
The research supports this shift:
  • Journal of Happiness Studies found that employees expressing their authentic selves report 40% higher work engagement
  • McKinsey research shows companies with women in leadership roles outperform their competitors by 25%
  • LinkedIn data reveals that professionals with strong personal boundaries have 34% longer tenure in leadership positions
But the most compelling statistic? My clients report an average 27% increase in compensation within 12 months of addressing their people-pleasing patterns.
“The question isn’t whether you can afford to stop people-pleasing,” I tell my clients. “It’s whether you can afford not to.”

Your Professional Authenticity Roadmap

Ready to transform people-pleasing into leadership power? Start here:
  1. Identify Your Professional Non-Negotiables: What values, boundaries, and contributions are essential to your authentic leadership? Document these as your professional constitution.
  2. Practice the “Strategic Pause” Before automatically agreeing to requests, pause and consider: “Does this align with my professional priorities and values?”
  3. Seek Calibrated Feedback. Ask trusted colleagues: “Do I advocate for my ideas with the same energy I support others’?” Their answers may surprise you.

Are You Ready for Your POWER SHIFT?

Three signs it’s time to transform your people-pleasing patterns:
  1. You’ve achieved external success while still feeling like an impostor
  2. You excel at supporting others’ career advancement, but struggle to advocate for your own
  3. You’re exhausted by the gap between your professional capability and your professional recognition
Your strategic brilliance deserves strategic boundaries. Your professional expertise deserves a voice. Your leadership potential deserves expression.
Ready to explore how the POWER SHIFT SYSTEM can transform your people-pleasing patterns into leadership power? Let’s talk.
Your future self—the authentic, boundary-respecting leader you’re meant to be—is waiting.
Drop a comment about your biggest people-pleasing trigger at work, or message me directly to explore your POWER SHIFT journey.